Your Children Need You!!!

Have you considered giving your child up for adoption or to foster care?

Have you given up on your child?

Have you walked away from them when they needed you?

If you have, or are considering giving up on your child,or know someone who has, then, this story is for you.

Sometimes God puts people in our paths, to help them. Sometimes they are there to help us or teach us. Sometimes these events go unnoticed. You have to learn to listen and notice your surroundings. I, never in a million years, thought I would find a homeless child who was cold and hungry near my home. Everyone keeps telling me, he was my angel.

I recently went to the store and out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a figure standing against a coke machine. I had no clue who it was. It was as if something made me turn around and ask, “Are you okay?” Then, after I heard myself speak, I noticed it was a little boy and he was cold and scared. He said, “No ma’am. I ran away.” To make a long story short, he stated that he was in foster care and his foster-mother threatened to kill him and he did not want to go back. Regardless, if this child was telling the truth or not, I could not chance sending him back to the house. We needed help from the police and his case worker.

I believe an angel put him in my path. Come to find out, I could relate to this child. My children could relate to this child. He was twelve years old and his father died when he was six. (I lost my father when I was seven and my youngest child lost his father when he was seven.) This little boy blamed himself and his mother for his father’s death. His mother lost all four or five children to the state and when able to return home with everyone, gave her youngest son up to the state for foster care. She gave him up when he needed her the most!!!! He was hurting, he was grieving, he was in so much pain. She threw him out to the curb instead of teaching him to deal with his emotions. I actually spoke to his real mother on the phone and I could not believe the things I heard. Nothing constituted giving her son up and keeping the other children.

This child, at first appearance, had manners and was so sweet and normal. Of course, he was not perfect, no one is perfect. He has run away from over twenty foster homes. He started smoking and sneaking cigarettes. He would slip out to trick-or-treat when no one would take him. He would make up stories on the foster families, just so he could be moved to another home. He would leave and walk to the store without telling the parents. In the foster parent’s eyes and in the state’s eyes, this child was bad and driving them crazy.

Hello???!!! He is running for a reason. He is acting out for a reason. He is scared for a reason. His father died and then his mother threw him out at the age of six or seven, when he needed her most!!!  She was supposed to comfort him and teach him. She was supposed to hug him and hold him and kiss him and rock him and tell him everything would be alright. She was supposed to tell him it was okay to hurt. It was okay to go through the emotions. Instead, he was thrown away! It is our responsibility to teach them to deal with their anger. Children aren’t born knowing how to do this.

He lost his father, his mother, his brothers, his home, his security, his faith, his love, he lost himself. He will always be running, for the rest of his life. He will always be searching for something to fill that massive hole. What if he turns to drugs or alcohol when older? What if he starts committing massive crimes? What a shame to see a child so lost and so hurt. It tears me up inside. Even the case workers have given up on him, all because he is running. In his mind, is he running away from it or towards it, searching? How could a mother cause so much devastation to a child?

We tried to be a part of his life, so he could see how a normal family operates after losing a family member. The case worker did not want us in his life. She was scared he would continue to run away, to us. They keep taking people out of his life that he can relate to and keep putting walls up around him. No wonder he runs! He will never learn to function like this. He needs support from people who can relate to him, not fuss at him.

He cannot make friends with people at school or go to their home to visit, like a normal twelve-year-old. No one can pick him up and take him out for ice cream or to a ball game or to the movies. It’s as if he doesn’t exist. So much pain and loneliness, inside of one person, can affect so many. This poor child cannot even think clearly now, to know that he is special or that he may have a talent. He is to busy thinking about how his father died and how his mother threw him out and wondering what his brothers are up to… all in their (his) cozy home, with their (his) mother. For five or six years now, his mother has been at home showing his brothers how much she loves them, in the comfort of their four walls, with heat in the cold winter, food on the table, and good night kisses, while he has been lost in this huge world, running and running and running from family to family, trying to find what was taken away from him. He will probably not go to college or ever know what true love is or know how to raise a child of his own. If he ever falls in love or has a child, he will constantly question himself and his capabilities. His future relationships may be full of frustration and chaos. All he will ever probably know is…  Hurting…   How to hurt…

I wanted to die with my husband when he died, but there was no way I would ever leave my children. There have been times when I wanted to run away, but I would not do that to them. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs, but we pain stakingly stick with it, through thick and thin. It is stressful, tiring, confusing, painful, and makes us old before our time, but they are our children. They depend on us, they need us. We are all they have. Do not give up on your children. Teach them how to deal with their emotions. Show them they have talent, teach them morals and values. Allow them to create goals and allow them to make mistakes. For God’s sake, hug them, kiss them, tell them every day you love them. Tell them it is okay to hurt, it is okay to be afraid. Do not walk out on them.

Why do we have horrific crime? We have crime because these children are not taught right from wrong. I’m not saying my children are perfect. They have done things, they absolutely know are wrong, but they are not murdering people, or committing felonies. We have to talk to them until we are blue in the face. We cannot ever stop talking to them and teaching them. We have to live by example. We have to show them the correct way to live. If every family would put teaching their children as a top priority, our world would be a better place. It would improve our world, one child at a time.

If you are ever tempted to hurt or abandon a child, put yourself in their shoes. Do you like being hurt? Do you like feeling lonely? Do you like being abandoned? Do you like being scared or ashamed? You can change things. It is never to late to change things. Just show them you love them. Show them you would never hurt them. Raise them into responsible, loving, caring human beings. Be proud of who you are and allow them to carry on your family name in honor, with dignity and pride. Squeeze them tight and hold on with everything you’ve got. They are God’s special gift to you.

About Christine Smith-Johnson

I am a widowed mother of three children, ages 11 to 19. I hope to encourage you through my trials and traumatic experiences. All my life, I dealt with heartache, and kept my head held high. Recently, I dealt with a heartache so big, it consumed me. Every part of me was lost and hurting. I never thought I would make it through. I did and I want to help you make it through your heartache, no matter how big or small it may seem to you.

Posted on January 5, 2011, in Dealing With Death, Health Issues, Honesty Issues, Parenting Issues, Paying It Forward, Relationship Issues, School Issues, Substance Abuse, Teen Issues, Uncategorized, Victim Abuse and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. good examples of emotional memory . . . thank you!

  2. Thank you Eric. I will definitely check it out. 🙂

  3. “They are God’s special gift to you”

    You are so very right Christine, as this is what we try to convey. You might want to check this out, if you haven’t already >

    Peace, Eric

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